Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Culinary Escapades!

Whoever said that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is a big fat liar! It is most definitely through his other senses if you know what i mean. But the way to your in-laws heart lies straight through their tummies. You can look like Angelina Jolie, recite the Wasteland in reverse and head 100 people to war and that still wouldn't make a difference if you cook like shit. So ladies here is the hard truth - as a Daughter-In-Law you are judged solely by your culinary skills. The tastier and the faster you cook, the better your prospects of topping the charts of a prized DIL. If anyone tells you otherwise they are in denial.

I thought i was the luckiest girl on the planet when my husband looked me in the eye and earnestly uttered those sugar coated words "Honey, if i wanted some one to cook for me i would hire a cook." He remained truthful to his words and hired a cook right away to save me the mundane worries of sweating it out in the kitchen. Peace was restored in our paradise and we lived happily. But not for long. Soon enough everyone (including my mother) made it their private business to smirk at me when they heard of the cook! How i wish i could borrow Mr. Potters invisibility cloak and hammer out their teeth!

Gradually, I realised cooking is a necessary evil that follows women unto their grave, especially so if they are married. Whether you like it or not, in most cases you dont have a choice of remaining a non-cooking wife. I guess my hatred for cooking goes way back to the day when i was a 12 year old and sweetly offered to help my dad in grinding the dough. I ended up forgetting the number one rule of using a mixer - to tighten the lid! The result was a gorgeous splash of dosa mavvu on the kitchen wall that could rival a modern art painting any day. Life hasn't changed much from that initial disaster. Even now my kitchen looks like a war zone after my attempts of putting together a breakfast in the mornings. If i hate cooking, i abhor cleaning up much more. Why do women end up doing all the dirty jobs? South Indian cuisine i am sure, was designed to make women end up panting like dogs and sweating like pigs with the never ending line of grinding, pounding and steaming. After all this effort if someone dares snub my dishes i swear i wont think twice to shove it off their throats and choke them to death!

Even the modern day inventions like the grinder and oven isnt of much use. After all your neighbour wont offer to stand in the steaming kitchen and cook your meals. Forget the neighbour, even your better half wont be of much help after a point. My husband for instance offers to help, but i dont have the heart to make him go through this torture after 13 hrs a day of office work. It was my secret dream to strategically marry a chef to avoid cooking post marriage. My plans were aborted immediately after i heard from a girlfriend whose husband was a chef and still remained adamant on not cooking at home as he does it all day long at work. Life hasn't got much hope you see, unless someone invents an All-Purpose-Super-Cooker-Robot and sells it cheap!

So my dear sisters get prepared and learn to cook if you plan to survive a marriage and guys be grateful for the efforts the women in your life put to keep you well fed and thriving.